When i try to think of things i like about  myself, i never can. Sometimes i just feel that my life has no real meaning or direction but i'd imagine that the whole world was one big machine , machines never come with any extra parts, you know? They always come with the exact amount they need. So i figured, if the entire world was one big machine, I couldn't be an extra part. I had to be here for some reason. the big problem i'm having is, most of the time i struggle with being alone but everytime i have the chance to connect with someone i will automatically shut myself down and push them away.i just feel that it's so hard for me telling them how i really feel inside that they will be freaked out. i tried to forget my past for so long, but it has caused me nothing but unhappiness. or maybe it's time to remember? I don't like this about myself but i don't know how to stop.

MOVING ON

when people make you feel unwanted, don't leave to make them feel sad or guilty, they won't. Leave because you no longer have a reason to stay. Sometimes you have to be strong for yourself. What’s meant to be will end up good and what’s not - won’t. Love is worth fighting for, but sometimes you can’t be the only one fighting. At times, people need to fight for you. If they don’t, you just have to move on and realize what you gave them was more than they were willing to give you.

THE DAYS ARE LONG AND THE YEARS ARE SHORT

What are the things that make you happy? 


This is one of the question I ask my friends whenever they feel down or depressed or, simply unhappy.  Of course, we have big things in mind. I, for one, have this dream of getting into uni, venturing in a business in future, seeing my savings account have a lump of moolah for the rainy days in a year or two, and ALSO repay my parents by giving them the best for the rest of their life. Yes, these would definitely make me happy. Because with that dreams are resolutions fulfilled.  But these things will also mean a lot of fleeting unhappy moments for me because that means less shopping, less playful, and less everything. So I want to keep record of the things that would make me happy, without feeling guilty about it later. This means little things, things that I failed to recognize in my everyday life because I am busy going though it. I want to remember these things so whenever I feel sad about not achieving the 'big' things, I would realize that 'small' things could also pave way to my happiness. And actually, it's almost the same happiness. Almost. 
I have these things in mind but I'm still planning to update it everytime I experience happiness in my everyday.  I encourage everyone to keep track of your own 'little' happiness, too. :)


- watching the sunrise/sunset
-when someone surprises me with food when I'm really hungry
-when I paint my nails and it dries up flawlessly
-when I sing in the shower, or just anywhere
-whenever I cook
-and have someone appreciate it would be happier
-when I do someone's make up 
-when I publish a post on my blog
-when someone I've met remembers my name
-when I take a good picture
-when I love my new hair color
-when I get a free ride
-when my friends buy me stuffs! haha



Aside from the 'little' happiness, they say that unhappy people lacks three things:
-Something to do
-Someone to love
-Something to look forward to
And if you have these 3 things, it will be very hard for you to be miserable. :) I don't want to sulk into loneliness just because I am lacking on the second.So until he/she comes, I will be busy with 1 & 3. Also, I wouldn't want to waste a day not doing anything. "The days are long and the years are short.", as Gretchen Rubin puts it. Sure, I want to have days where I can just lounge around my bed and do nothing but every day is a chance to learn a new thing. 
So, I have this list of things I want to do. I hope I get to that one day. 

-get into singapore polytechnic
-learn a new language
-learn how to drive
-to sign up in a make up class ( but I need to have a complete make up brush set first)
-read a book a month
-to go an a trip alone-lose at least 6kg


I hope everyone would see that happiness is just around the corner. 


Goodnight. xoxo

♥

Before i start, be forewarn that this post is extremely photo-intensive. This wednesday i went to universal studio with my bestie - lara, yuankun, suiyang & junhoe. I have telling people around me how excited I was even though it wasn't my first trip to uss. We arrived there like around 10pm and the place was pretty pack.As you can see all of us in the photo had a "tired looks" because we don't have enough sleep! I had not expected such a big crowd since it wasn't a weekend. :/

I'm quite disappointed that we never take the ride of battlestar galactica which is the red&blue roller coaster. I think it was total wasted that we never play right? D: They all don't want to risk themselves having heart attack haha. Even suiyang & junhoe also scared so i'm the only one " brave girl" wanted to play. btw my mom also don't allow me to play because she think my fragile heart can't take the suspense.

We started our day via taking picture everywhere!

Our walking pattern are always same! ♥

We also went to watch the Sherk 4D show. We were brought into a empty room with a few big screens right at the top. The pre-show talk was way too long. I was sitting down on the floor while waiting for the show started. It's just rocking seats,splashes of water and some wind. The 3D effect wasn't fantastic either. The TRANSFORMER RIDE is much more better&fun than this! We queued 1hr 10 mins for this trans ride. but it was worth it anyway :) Yuankun keep wow-ing during the ride and the funniest thing is she was the only one made sound hahah. i can't stop laughing at her after we finished the trans show. IT WAS TOTALLY AWESOMEEEEEE! ♥

Every queue at there was an hour long. The sun was blazing that day & i felt like i'm melting into a puddle of goo -w- so we decided having our lunch at one western restaurant. the air-corn there make me refresh ~.~ junhoe and suiyang ordered a damn big pizza. We're just like tiny people eating the huge pizza hahha. Lunch was pretty good ^_^ 

our expressions here was kinda funny hahaha.

We played the MUMMY ride for thousand of times. First time we played we were screaming the entire time while we was on the ride. After playing a few times, we became braver and we told them we want to sit at the first row. we pushed yuankun sat at the first seat she almost cry. hahaha but this ride was totally awesome sia. junhoe said 10 mummy ride equal to the 360 ride that one. hahaha. after playing this, our back bones and necks was fucking pain. 

 THIS SO BLUR!! :(

i'm so lazy to continue so THAT'S ALL ABOUT! ♥

byebye.

PERFECT NOVEMBER?

Ever feel so afraid to lose someone around you and you'd rather keep all those emotions inside of you just becos you never want to take the risk of losing them? I feel so lost right now, sigh. I thought i've  mved on, but t those memories haunting me everyday. You know that feeling? Stop asking me what's wrong, it's the same old thing. I CAN'T WALK OUT FROM THE PAST. 

NOVEMBER, please be good to me.♥
i miss her.

-

Just when I thought I was getting better, when i thought i was finally getting passed all my problems, my sadness and my depression, I began to fall again. I used to be fragile but i have been broken for a while.Nobody can catch me or break my fall. They can only try to help me pick up the pieces once i have completely shattered on the ground. I hate i cant get over people who hurt me the most. I would like to believe that i overcame everything it on my own this year that what happened on me.But the truth is, I needed people.I needed somebody to do what I thought to be impossible. I needed somebody to save me out from the sadness. I needed somebody to kiss me those scars, instead of tell me to get over it and stop being "emo". I'm really needed love. (i'm like somehow asking people to love me.LOL-.-) and thought i hated it, i needed other people. 5 months so far and right now.I can say i'm okay without you, i'm alive, i'm breathing. I'm living i'm healing. but when people ask me about you my heart still pain.because i can't forget how i be treated by you.i didn't love you much or maybe it's just a small crash but everyone person once they came into my life i will never let them out from my heart. or maybe i'm too easy to get so i'm too easy to forget (?) i hate i'm being a bitch now. i forget you little by little, step by step.but when people talk abt you everything flow back into my mind again.i want to have a better life than you. it's pain see you're fine without me.because i know i mean nth to you.you can go around with all the girls hang out with them hug them kiss them.yeap, me too.because we doesn't mean for each other anymore. and we'd ady over like 12345678 months ago. and maybe you would think i'm funny holding on till so long, i just don't want to forget how you HURT me.i would like to thanks you for giving those happy,sweet,funny,sad memories. i  always smile to myself when the words/phrase you always said to me last time pass across my mind. you make me grow up, make me stand up from the pain.but most of all, i have slowly began to love myself even more again.this is the lesson that i'd learnt this year.

ABCDEFG

K. i dunno how to start a new post. i'm just so bored and nothing to do right now.
i get 4 A1 for my term 3, the others sub teacher never tell us. i scare i fail my eng again. :( jiayous next new term yayayayaayya.

//
i'm fear that every person i start to fall is just giving them a chance to break my heart. like once you you've been hurt and you scared to get attached again. i dunno how to express my feelings nowadays. i used to keep inside my heart cos i know it's not going to help if i tell my friends.i don't want to cry because it will make me worse. i felt like my heart is falling apart,but not only that,your life is also feeling like it's falling apart too. do you even have this kind of feeling? this is so hard to explain in words. The most confusing part is i wonder why the people who hurt me the most  and normally the one I love the most. like yet you finally sense of relief,like you're getting happy again but you inside you know you're start to not showing it not get over them.It will leaves a deep scar on your heart and forever never wash away. even how much i try to forget the pain but it's still easy to recall it everytime. this is what i feel this few months o.o yea, but im ady moved one and keep going.
don't treat me so good please,i'm really afraid of falling again.i try to ignore those people who keep caring me.sorry,but what i really want to say is thanks. ik you're the one who always motivate me and beside me when i lost myself.i'm not purposely to ignore i'm just afraid. afraid what the same thing will happen on me again and again. :)

I TRY TO BE THE PERFECT GIRL IN THE WORLD.