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K. i dunno how to start a new post. i'm just so bored and nothing to do right now.
i get 4 A1 for my term 3, the others sub teacher never tell us. i scare i fail my eng again. :( jiayous next new term yayayayaayya.

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i'm fear that every person i start to fall is just giving them a chance to break my heart. like once you you've been hurt and you scared to get attached again. i dunno how to express my feelings nowadays. i used to keep inside my heart cos i know it's not going to help if i tell my friends.i don't want to cry because it will make me worse. i felt like my heart is falling apart,but not only that,your life is also feeling like it's falling apart too. do you even have this kind of feeling? this is so hard to explain in words. The most confusing part is i wonder why the people who hurt me the most  and normally the one I love the most. like yet you finally sense of relief,like you're getting happy again but you inside you know you're start to not showing it not get over them.It will leaves a deep scar on your heart and forever never wash away. even how much i try to forget the pain but it's still easy to recall it everytime. this is what i feel this few months o.o yea, but im ady moved one and keep going.
don't treat me so good please,i'm really afraid of falling again.i try to ignore those people who keep caring me.sorry,but what i really want to say is thanks. ik you're the one who always motivate me and beside me when i lost myself.i'm not purposely to ignore i'm just afraid. afraid what the same thing will happen on me again and again. :)

I TRY TO BE THE PERFECT GIRL IN THE WORLD.

Digits mean you.

I think i'm using "草你" too much.Should really stop it but I can't control myself. It's just like the word just FUCK YOU out of my mouth ~.~
and my mind turn wild today,thinking about things will never happens.Not living in this world already LOL

I wonder why i still care about you when you don't even bother at all.why do i hold it so tight and can't let go.should zhufu you when i see you but i can't.I know i'm suppose to get going but it's easier said that done.Tell me who don't want to move on and get someone better?i tell myself not thinking abt the past but it doesn't work.how can you not feel sorry to me? bastardbastardbastardbastardbastard.
There's a reason why people meet and have feeling for each other.there's so many reason why people choose to go away from me,but sometimes when people leaves,that don't mean they don't have feeling.i didn't ask for your reason because i have zero guts to friend you anymore but i hope you will text me one day and tell me the truth,so that i will feel better and not hurt so much. you know i changed,i changed to not showing out my feelings to you,changed not text you anymore,but the thing that never change i miss you badly .

do you miss me just like sometimes i miss you?  

fuckupfuckup

no matter how much i try, i can never seem to forget you. maybe it was wrong of me to think i could keep you.i know so much time i wasted on you. so i already moved on and let go everything.i just hope you one day you look back and regret what you did for me. i found something can make me happier than you did.friend is always better than valentine.and family is always be with you no matter what happen to you. 

happy valentine's day :)

LASTLY FOR YOU.

I tend to thought that i see you everywhere I go but it was only illusion. I thought that person i see from far was you, then the back view of another person, and all those side view, those wrong angle of viewing things. I wonder if I had been thinking too much about you. I did once in a while & then stop. But whenever I saw someone that I thought was you, all the memories flow back.
i'm just HURT. you used 2 weeks to forget me but why do i need to use more than 2 months to forget you?it is unfair right! i dunno how many time i need to refresh your facebook profile to know what are you thinking or doing right now. i totally forget you this few days,but when people talking about your name or when i saw you in school, my heart sank. i feel desperate even you didn't do nothing for me but i still wish you to look back. i also dunno how to face all your friends now,do i still need to say hi to them or just act like we didn't know each other? because of you,i lost myself. allen said i'm just being abandoned by you. YES,it's true. common test is coming soon please study hard okay.i meant everyone. :)
i wonder why i still can remembered what you said to me everything until now. today is 28th. i don't expect anything with you on my birthday. you promised me you  will celebrate with me,but it's just a broken promise. i told you that many of my friends everytime said they sure would celebrate with me and give me a big suprised, but at the end of my birthday, they DIDN'T.so i said i won't believe your word,but you make it so serious you say you WON'T and you SURE. see, you are the another gal who make a broken promise on my birthday. if you really sure whether you can do something or not, don't promise to anyone okay?girl take it so serious and disappoint at the end.
i hate my birthday every year.and i never celebrate before actually,it's just a normal day,nothing change.
really find myself stupid to be thinking of the impossible, imagining those not-possible. Kept telling myself that I'm fine this way but I find myself lying. I think I'm losing it, really losing it all. 


 you make me strong but it's not enough bastard.i know you had moved on ,i hope you are happier without me. 1234567,doesn't mean anymore. i will let go just like how you let go so fast from now.i'm just missing all those memories but not you.there will always in my mind but you will forever disappear from my sight.this is what i can do for you now. stay strong huiliiii.

sound desperate.

now i was in a flashback mode.keep thinking about what we had do last few months.

you know, i can't let it go so easily or you don't even care about me

if you still love her last time then why you still keep ambiguous with me .i take it so serious because i really trust you believe you. but when i came back from china ,you changed. i appreciate how caring you were last time and i can still remember you bought a lot of sweets for me before i fly.it's just only 2 weeks can make you changed so much.i wonder what happen to you.(but now i know). that time i was still waiting for you to sms me but you didn't. i try to get close with you,as friend but you disappointed me everytime. and now i give up. we hang out more than 5 times,you sent me back home 2 times.i can remember it so clearly because it's my first time people do such things to me and so caring about me.

last week, i went to kallang leisure park again.all the memories came up into my mind all a sudden and i tried to hold back all my tears.it was my first time i met you there and we iceskate together.even though it was our first time met but we ady get close with each other .you hold my hand so tightly without gloves because you're afraid me fell down.that time i was so nervous but it feel so good.it was our first time hang out tgt andwe're so late to home :) the second times we watched Pirate of the the Carribean with your friends.3rd we ate lunch together went to pasir ris park after school. that time i stepped into all the dirty mud,you're so caring you knee down and help me clean all the mud on my shoes.i sleep on your shoulder in the bus.and you sent me back home. 

ohya,i still remember how i got to know you.it's 16/5 and you inbox me ask every things about me.and you told me you're malaysian too i'm so happy:).from that time we start to know each other well and you ask me to left my number down before i sleep :)we keep msg each other everyday non-stop.  there're so many things to say but i don't know how to express it. i know i am so 犯贱to reminds all the memories and make myself moody. i sound so desperate crying all over the things. 

you will never know what's the feeling of being cheated on,forgotten and replaced.this is what you always did .

CRUSH :(

I start to feel like I can't maintain the facade any longer,that I may just start to show the through. And i wish i know what's wrong what's right to me. WHY does people like to put up with the hypocrisy ,they need to put a smily face on sorrow. I'm being vicissitudes,I don't want any more of this try. I am so tired but no one know. Someone had stolen my heart away but he doesn't even care what he did for me. I know that what i need to do is just forget it and restart my life again.My target is pass my english the end of the year and don't crush at anyone again. Please.  My mood was very depressed this whole week i wonder why ..

& i have zero guts to "friend" him anymore. and we just like a stranger to each other.

J U N E -

Hey hey hey everyone. i've  2months never updated this blog already. I'm too tired to update
two blog in the same time. :/


i really dunno what am i doing after came back from the school vacation. I found that when i came back everything around me suddenly changed. must i pretend to be fine and just don't care? but i can't really do it.
my feelings is just like WHATTHEHELLISGOINGON?!?!?!
i feel so useless&helpless to myself. :(
just forget it everything and i will restore myself soon.


i want to go travelling around,probably alone.There are so many places that i wish to go. A perpetual travelling trip to stay in different countries every month is like perfect dream of mine but there is practical reality we all need to face:( i also don't think that my parents will allow me travelling alone. tsk, grow up faster please huiliiiiiiii!


next term i must study hard to pass my english or else i will stay back one year more:( help me to improve my english everyone.!! i want to take amath and pure chem&pure physic next year but i scare i can't cope it. ENGLISH is a big problems to me uh!! use less singlish,use less chinese words !!  wish watching english drama can help me to improve my english hahah LOL. i'm too boring to be here writing blog now haha.goodnight everyone, i'm still rushing my math homework! muacks.




and i forget to ask anyone want accomp me to go dessert buffet?it's best time for gaining weight !!!!! want then comment let me now . :) night.