PERFECT NOVEMBER?

Ever feel so afraid to lose someone around you and you'd rather keep all those emotions inside of you just becos you never want to take the risk of losing them? I feel so lost right now, sigh. I thought i've  mved on, but t those memories haunting me everyday. You know that feeling? Stop asking me what's wrong, it's the same old thing. I CAN'T WALK OUT FROM THE PAST. 

NOVEMBER, please be good to me.♥
i miss her.

-

Just when I thought I was getting better, when i thought i was finally getting passed all my problems, my sadness and my depression, I began to fall again. I used to be fragile but i have been broken for a while.Nobody can catch me or break my fall. They can only try to help me pick up the pieces once i have completely shattered on the ground. I hate i cant get over people who hurt me the most. I would like to believe that i overcame everything it on my own this year that what happened on me.But the truth is, I needed people.I needed somebody to do what I thought to be impossible. I needed somebody to save me out from the sadness. I needed somebody to kiss me those scars, instead of tell me to get over it and stop being "emo". I'm really needed love. (i'm like somehow asking people to love me.LOL-.-) and thought i hated it, i needed other people. 5 months so far and right now.I can say i'm okay without you, i'm alive, i'm breathing. I'm living i'm healing. but when people ask me about you my heart still pain.because i can't forget how i be treated by you.i didn't love you much or maybe it's just a small crash but everyone person once they came into my life i will never let them out from my heart. or maybe i'm too easy to get so i'm too easy to forget (?) i hate i'm being a bitch now. i forget you little by little, step by step.but when people talk abt you everything flow back into my mind again.i want to have a better life than you. it's pain see you're fine without me.because i know i mean nth to you.you can go around with all the girls hang out with them hug them kiss them.yeap, me too.because we doesn't mean for each other anymore. and we'd ady over like 12345678 months ago. and maybe you would think i'm funny holding on till so long, i just don't want to forget how you HURT me.i would like to thanks you for giving those happy,sweet,funny,sad memories. i  always smile to myself when the words/phrase you always said to me last time pass across my mind. you make me grow up, make me stand up from the pain.but most of all, i have slowly began to love myself even more again.this is the lesson that i'd learnt this year.

ABCDEFG

K. i dunno how to start a new post. i'm just so bored and nothing to do right now.
i get 4 A1 for my term 3, the others sub teacher never tell us. i scare i fail my eng again. :( jiayous next new term yayayayaayya.

//
i'm fear that every person i start to fall is just giving them a chance to break my heart. like once you you've been hurt and you scared to get attached again. i dunno how to express my feelings nowadays. i used to keep inside my heart cos i know it's not going to help if i tell my friends.i don't want to cry because it will make me worse. i felt like my heart is falling apart,but not only that,your life is also feeling like it's falling apart too. do you even have this kind of feeling? this is so hard to explain in words. The most confusing part is i wonder why the people who hurt me the most  and normally the one I love the most. like yet you finally sense of relief,like you're getting happy again but you inside you know you're start to not showing it not get over them.It will leaves a deep scar on your heart and forever never wash away. even how much i try to forget the pain but it's still easy to recall it everytime. this is what i feel this few months o.o yea, but im ady moved one and keep going.
don't treat me so good please,i'm really afraid of falling again.i try to ignore those people who keep caring me.sorry,but what i really want to say is thanks. ik you're the one who always motivate me and beside me when i lost myself.i'm not purposely to ignore i'm just afraid. afraid what the same thing will happen on me again and again. :)

I TRY TO BE THE PERFECT GIRL IN THE WORLD.

Digits mean you.

I think i'm using "草你" too much.Should really stop it but I can't control myself. It's just like the word just FUCK YOU out of my mouth ~.~
and my mind turn wild today,thinking about things will never happens.Not living in this world already LOL

I wonder why i still care about you when you don't even bother at all.why do i hold it so tight and can't let go.should zhufu you when i see you but i can't.I know i'm suppose to get going but it's easier said that done.Tell me who don't want to move on and get someone better?i tell myself not thinking abt the past but it doesn't work.how can you not feel sorry to me? bastardbastardbastardbastardbastard.
There's a reason why people meet and have feeling for each other.there's so many reason why people choose to go away from me,but sometimes when people leaves,that don't mean they don't have feeling.i didn't ask for your reason because i have zero guts to friend you anymore but i hope you will text me one day and tell me the truth,so that i will feel better and not hurt so much. you know i changed,i changed to not showing out my feelings to you,changed not text you anymore,but the thing that never change i miss you badly .

do you miss me just like sometimes i miss you?  

fuckupfuckup

no matter how much i try, i can never seem to forget you. maybe it was wrong of me to think i could keep you.i know so much time i wasted on you. so i already moved on and let go everything.i just hope you one day you look back and regret what you did for me. i found something can make me happier than you did.friend is always better than valentine.and family is always be with you no matter what happen to you. 

happy valentine's day :)

LASTLY FOR YOU.

I tend to thought that i see you everywhere I go but it was only illusion. I thought that person i see from far was you, then the back view of another person, and all those side view, those wrong angle of viewing things. I wonder if I had been thinking too much about you. I did once in a while & then stop. But whenever I saw someone that I thought was you, all the memories flow back.
i'm just HURT. you used 2 weeks to forget me but why do i need to use more than 2 months to forget you?it is unfair right! i dunno how many time i need to refresh your facebook profile to know what are you thinking or doing right now. i totally forget you this few days,but when people talking about your name or when i saw you in school, my heart sank. i feel desperate even you didn't do nothing for me but i still wish you to look back. i also dunno how to face all your friends now,do i still need to say hi to them or just act like we didn't know each other? because of you,i lost myself. allen said i'm just being abandoned by you. YES,it's true. common test is coming soon please study hard okay.i meant everyone. :)
i wonder why i still can remembered what you said to me everything until now. today is 28th. i don't expect anything with you on my birthday. you promised me you  will celebrate with me,but it's just a broken promise. i told you that many of my friends everytime said they sure would celebrate with me and give me a big suprised, but at the end of my birthday, they DIDN'T.so i said i won't believe your word,but you make it so serious you say you WON'T and you SURE. see, you are the another gal who make a broken promise on my birthday. if you really sure whether you can do something or not, don't promise to anyone okay?girl take it so serious and disappoint at the end.
i hate my birthday every year.and i never celebrate before actually,it's just a normal day,nothing change.
really find myself stupid to be thinking of the impossible, imagining those not-possible. Kept telling myself that I'm fine this way but I find myself lying. I think I'm losing it, really losing it all. 


 you make me strong but it's not enough bastard.i know you had moved on ,i hope you are happier without me. 1234567,doesn't mean anymore. i will let go just like how you let go so fast from now.i'm just missing all those memories but not you.there will always in my mind but you will forever disappear from my sight.this is what i can do for you now. stay strong huiliiii.

sound desperate.

now i was in a flashback mode.keep thinking about what we had do last few months.

you know, i can't let it go so easily or you don't even care about me

if you still love her last time then why you still keep ambiguous with me .i take it so serious because i really trust you believe you. but when i came back from china ,you changed. i appreciate how caring you were last time and i can still remember you bought a lot of sweets for me before i fly.it's just only 2 weeks can make you changed so much.i wonder what happen to you.(but now i know). that time i was still waiting for you to sms me but you didn't. i try to get close with you,as friend but you disappointed me everytime. and now i give up. we hang out more than 5 times,you sent me back home 2 times.i can remember it so clearly because it's my first time people do such things to me and so caring about me.

last week, i went to kallang leisure park again.all the memories came up into my mind all a sudden and i tried to hold back all my tears.it was my first time i met you there and we iceskate together.even though it was our first time met but we ady get close with each other .you hold my hand so tightly without gloves because you're afraid me fell down.that time i was so nervous but it feel so good.it was our first time hang out tgt andwe're so late to home :) the second times we watched Pirate of the the Carribean with your friends.3rd we ate lunch together went to pasir ris park after school. that time i stepped into all the dirty mud,you're so caring you knee down and help me clean all the mud on my shoes.i sleep on your shoulder in the bus.and you sent me back home. 

ohya,i still remember how i got to know you.it's 16/5 and you inbox me ask every things about me.and you told me you're malaysian too i'm so happy:).from that time we start to know each other well and you ask me to left my number down before i sleep :)we keep msg each other everyday non-stop.  there're so many things to say but i don't know how to express it. i know i am so 犯贱to reminds all the memories and make myself moody. i sound so desperate crying all over the things. 

you will never know what's the feeling of being cheated on,forgotten and replaced.this is what you always did .